Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu brothers and sisters –
Based on my little experience and understanding here’s what father-to-son parenting must be like or include-
A. Start training your child 25 years before he’s born. That is- Train yourself to be that near-ideal father that you envision for your children. (Islamic knowledge + Islamic masculinity.)
B. Marry someone who shares the same thoughts (religious and otherwise) as yours. This is really essential. If you compromise on the ‘mother’ for the sake of your mother, and the results turn out bad. Your parents will walk away with a ‘sorry’ and you’ll have to deal with the unwanted lady for the rest of your life.
C. ‘Be the Primary Role Model’ to your child: A father is the leader of the family and must be a role model in worship, morals, and love for Islam and its Shaair (signs). Children, especially sons, will imitate what they see you practice
D. An Act of Worship: Understand that raising children to be pious and noble is a joint responsibility and a great trust (amanah) from Allah, not solely the mother’s job.
E. Teach by Example, Not Just by Words: Show him how to be a good Muslim by prioritizing your own prayers, reading and practicing the Quran, and going to the mosque consistently.
F. Make Abundant Du’a (Supplication): The prayer of a father for his son is said not to be rejected. From the time of conception, to birth, and raising him- pray regularly for his guidance, piety, and well-being. Never tire from Duas.
G. The First ‘First’ Is Tawheed: Teach him The Oneness of Allah by showing him what is Tawheed and what is Shirk. Let ‘Ask Allah’, ‘Allah is The Greatest’, ‘Allah is The One Who Gives’ etc be the centre of discussion with him. He should detest Shirk as soon as he gains discretion.
F. Take Him To The Masjid: Teach him the etiquettes of the Masajid, let him come with you as long as he can walk and stay beside you. Pray the Sunnah in front of him at home, let him learn the postures first and then the Duas slowly.
G. Do Acts of Worship And Let Him See You: This will imprint well as the ideal role model and he will consciously and subconsciously imbibe these qualities. Foremost I observed is- Respecting the high and low, speaking politely with people, giving charity, etc.
H. Narrate To Him True And Emotional Moral Stories: Tit bits from the Prophetic Seerah, stories of the Salaf and Sahabah, brave hearts of Islam, are all that must be a regular bed time routine. These must instil chivalry, bravery, other good qualities and a sense of sacrifice for the religion. If you feel like crying during a narration, please do so, let him learn that there are some things that we need to cry for too, this will keep him soft from the inside. A soft corner within a rock.
I. Wandering In The Wilderness: What is common in the biographies of the greats amongst the Muslims and non-Muslims is that they spent quite a significant time during their childhood wandering or touring in the countryside wilderness and mountains, just pondering about life. This gives time to one’s own self and opens up the mind, and frees it from clogging and tiredness.
J. Visually Training The Child: Use Islamic cartoons, movies, documentaries to ignite emotions and create an attachment to the religion. For example if there’s a clip/video that really touched him, show it to him again and again till he envisions himself in the persona of that individual in the video. [For example my son, he’s 8 now in 2025, watches and rewatches, the cartoon on the Biography of Musab bin Umair (Radi Allahu Anhu). And asks numerous questions surrounding it. He’s very emotionally attached to it.]
K. Maintaining Physical Fitness: Though this is essential for one and all, this must be top priority for boys.
K1-Give your boys tough household chores to do,
K2- let them plough and toil in the backyard and spend time tanning under the hot sun, he should look like a tired dog when he returns home,
K3-make them carry weights,
K4-when they err be rough with them sometimes,
K5-and at times wrestle with them (and give them a serious non-lethal painful punch or hit once in a while),
K6-spar with them with plastic/wooden swords,
K7- let them wrestle with their cousins and friends in your presence,
K8- don’t pamper them when it’s a non-nasty fall,
K9- teach them and develop a love for one or more martial arts, or manly sports like archery, shooting an air rifle, give them gym equipment for kids,
K10- keep comparing them to lions and tigers and tell him how brave he is when he indeed acts or tries to be brave,
K11-show them self defence and ground exercise/martial arts videos,
K12- motivate him to maintain physical fitness and ingrain in him the importance of being prepared for self-defence.
L. Last But Not The Least- Be merciful to your elders and young ones, be kind to everyone around you, this mercy must exist in your son as well. Your son should see you as a sanctuary he turns to for confessing a slip or mistake. He should be emotionally attached to you.
Note: This is just whatever crossed my mind now, it’s neither complete nor fully perfect. But I hope it may be something beneficial or a good start at least.
(Penned by Mohammed bin Thajammul Hussain Manna, B.E (Aero.), B.A (Islamic Studies), MSW (Student))
Saheehus-Seerah 