A Khutbah (Sermon) on the ‘Rights of Fathers’ over Children -by As-Syed Murad Salamah
The First Khutbah
O brethren of Iman, followers of an-Nabi al-Adnan (Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him), we address today the rights of the fathers over children in the illuminated Sharia (Islamic Law). We live in a time when loyalty to fathers and mothers has diminished, and old age homes have appeared in Muslim countries. In these facilities, children dispose of their parents by depositing them there, and days, months, and years pass without the children visiting their fathers and mothers. Thus, it is imperative to discuss these rights, which many Muslims are ignorant of.
It is “not hidden from any sensible person the necessity of fulfilling the right of the Benefactor. And there is no Benefactor to a servant after Allah (Exalted is He) like the two parents. The mother carried the child through many burdens, experienced troubling pain during delivery, went to great lengths in his upbringing, stayed up late caring for him, and forfeited all her desires for his sake, prioritizing him over herself in every situation. The father, in addition to being the cause of his existence and loving him after his birth, provided compassion in his upbringing, earned for him, and spent on him. The sensible person recognizes the right of the benefactor and strives to reward him”.[1]
First: Honoring the Parents (Birr al-Walidayn)
O beloved ones, the first of these rights is the right to honor (birr), which al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allah have mercy on him) defined, saying: (It is to give them everything you possess, and to obey them as long as it is not a sin [against Allah]).
In the two Sahih collections (Al-Bukhari and Muslim), a Hadith from ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud states: I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): What deed is most beloved to Allah? He said: “Prayer performed on time.” I said: Then which? He said: “Then honoring the parents.” I said: Then which? He said: “Then Jihad in the path of Allah.” Honoring the parents is among the greatest acts of proximity [to Allah] and the most noble acts of obedience, and through it, mercies descend.[2]
Observe how Allah Almighty commanded birr (honor) and goodness (ihsan) even if the parents are disbelievers:
(We have enjoined on man to be good to his parents. His mother bore him with difficulty upon difficulty, and his weaning is in two years. [Be grateful] to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final return. But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with goodness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.) [Luqman: 14-15].
Asma bint Abi Bakr (may Allah be pleased with them both) related: My mother came to me while she was a polytheist during the period of Quraysh’s treaty with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) – meaning after the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah, along with her father. I sought a ruling from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), saying: My mother has come and she is hopeful [of receiving something from me], asking for kindness from me. Should I maintain ties with her? He said: “Yes, maintain ties with your mother.” Ibn Uyaynah said: So Allah Almighty revealed the verse: (Allah does not forbid you (from dealing justly) with those who do not fight you because of religion)[3].
Asma bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with them both) was not prevented from honoring her mother by the fact that her mother remained a polytheist (her father, Abu Bakr, had divorced her before the Hijra). She desired to be kind to her, but she feared that doing so might lead to the sin of alliance with a disbeliever. She consulted the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and he advised her to fulfill her right upon her due to the pregnancy, breastfeeding, and upbringing. He said: “Yes,” then reinforced this by saying: “Maintain ties with your mother,” so that it would not occur to Asma that he intended merely to appease her in the first instance. Allah Almighty supported this with the preceding verse, because Allah’s ruling in His religion is to manifest the truth, acknowledge it, fulfill it, and preserve it, whether it pertains to His right or the right of His servants. Their disbelief in Allah Almighty does not prevent Him from showing them goodness through worldly blessings, and His servants are more obliged to fulfill their rights to them[4].
Abu Ghassan ad-Dabbi related that he went out walking in the back part of al-Harrah while his father walked behind him. Abu Hurayrah caught up with him and asked: Who is this walking behind you? I said: My father. He said: “You have erred in (fulfilling) the right (of your father) and have not complied with the Sunnah. Do not walk in front of your father, but walk behind him or to his right. Do not let anyone pass between you and him. Do not take ‘irq (i.e., meat mixed with bone) that your father looks at, for perhaps he desires it. Do not stare at your father. Do not sit until he sits, and do not sleep until he sleeps.“
Second: Showing Kindness (Ihsan) to Them
Among the rights of fathers and mothers is showing kindness (ihsan) to them. Ihsan is a comprehensive word that includes all meanings of birr (honor), compassion, and mercy. Allah Almighty said: (And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.) (But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.) [Surah Luqman: 14,15]
Muhammad ibn Sirin (may Allah have mercy on him) narrated: A palm tree in Medina would cost a thousand [dirhams]. Usama ibn Zayd purposefully cut down a palm tree for its pith (jumar)[5]. When questioned about this, he said: My mother desired it from me, and there is nothing in this world that my mother asks for and that I am able to provide, except that I do it.[6]
Third: Obedience to Parents
Another matter commanded by Allah upon children is obedience to their parents in everything they command or call to, as long as it does not involve disobedience to Allah Almighty. There is no obedience to a created being in disobedience to the Creator (Exalted is He)[7]. Concerning this, Allah Almighty said: (But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with goodness).
Obedience to parents is one of the most obligatory duties, even if they are disbelievers or wicked sinners, provided the obedience is “with goodness” (bil-ma’ruf). Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidhi narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) that he said: I had a wife whom I loved, but ‘Umar disliked her. He told me: Divorce her. I refused. ‘Umar went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and mentioned this to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Divorce her.”[8]
He (may Allah be pleased with him) did nothing but divorce her out of obedience to his father.[9]
In the accounts of Abu Hanifah’s life, the author mentioned that Abu Hanifah’s mother swore an oath and broke it (hanathat). She sought a fatwa (legal ruling) from Abu Hanifah, but she was not satisfied. She said: I will only be satisfied with what Zar’ah al-Qass says. So, Abu Hanifah brought her to Zar’ah. Zar’ah said: I give you a fatwa while the jurist of Kufa is with you! Abu Hanifah said: Give her a fatwa with such-and-such. So he gave her the fatwa, and she was satisfied. Sa’id ibn ‘Amir narrated that Ibn al-Munkadir said: My brother ‘Umar spent the night praying, while I spent the night massaging my mother’s feet, and I would not want my night to be replaced by his night.[10]
Fourth: Financial Provision (Infaq) for Them with Goodness
Know, may Allah bless you, that financial provision (nafaqa) is obligatory upon children for their fathers and mothers whenever they are poor and in need. Children must meet their necessities of food, drink, clothing, housing, and medicine. ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb narrated from his father, from his grandfather, that a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and a child, and my father needs my wealth. He said: “You and your wealth belong to your father. Indeed, your children are among the best of your earnings, so eat from the earnings of your children.”[11]. [Clarification][12]
Beware of being stingy with your wealth towards your parents or conferring a favor upon them by what you give them, for your spending on them is obligatory, not voluntary, and they are the most deserving of your giving and kindness.
I say this, and I seek the forgiveness of Allah, the Great and Generous, for myself, for you, and for all Muslims for every sin. So seek His forgiveness, for He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.
The Second Khutbah
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, and the outcome is for the righteous, and there is no aggression except against the wrongdoers. I bear witness that there is no true god worthy of worship but Allah, alone without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger. May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him, his family, and his companions.
Fifth: Seeking Permission and Counsel
Fifth: Among the rights of parents over children is seeking their permission and consulting their opinion, whether for going out with friends to the wilderness, traveling outside the country for study or similar purposes, or leaving the house, and so on.
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As reported: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I have come to pledge allegiance to you for the Hijra (emigration), and I left my parents weeping. He said: “Return to them and make them laugh as you made them weep.”[13]
Whenever ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab was visited by the contingents from the people of Yemen, he would ask them: Is Uways ibn ‘Amir among you? Until he came upon Uways and asked: Are you Uways ibn ‘Amir? He said: Yes. He asked: From Murad, then from Qaran? He said: Yes. He asked: Did you suffer from leprosy and recover from it except for a spot the size of a dirham? He said: Yes. He asked: Do you have a mother? He said: Yes. He said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say: “Uways ibn ‘Amir will come to you with the contingents of the people of Yemen, from Murad, then from Qaran. He had leprosy and recovered from it except for a spot the size of a dirham. He has a mother whom he honors well. If he swears an oath by Allah, He will fulfill it for him. If you can get him to ask forgiveness for you, then do so.” So, he asked him to seek forgiveness for him, and he did so[14]. Asbagh ibn Zayd said: Uways was only prevented from coming to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) by his honor (birr) for his mother[15].
Sixth: Supplication (Du’a) for Them During Their Lives and After Their Death
Among the acts of honoring the parents after their death is du’a (supplication) for them. This is the best offering that children can present to their parents after their passing: to supplicate for them for mercy, forgiveness, success in Paradise, and salvation from the Fire. This is what Allah Almighty commanded, saying:
(And say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”) [Al-Isra: 24].
Supplication for parents is part of the guidance of the prophets and messengers. Allah Almighty mentioned the du’a of Abraham (peace be upon him):
(Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers on the Day the account is established.) [Ibrahim: 41]. And He mentioned the du’a of Noah (peace be upon him):
(My Lord, forgive me and my parents and whoever enters my house a believer and the believing men and believing women. And do not increase the wrongdoers except in destruction.) [Nuh: 28].
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “When a person dies, his deeds cease except for three: except for a continuous charity (sadaqah jariyah), or knowledge from which benefit is gained, or a righteous child who supplicates for him.”[16]
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) also said: “Indeed, Allah Almighty will raise the rank of the righteous servant in Paradise, and he will say: ‘O Lord, how did I get this?’ He will say: ‘By your child’s seeking forgiveness for you.’”[17]
Muhammad ibn Sirin said: We were with Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), and he said: O Allah, forgive Abu Hurayrah, and his mother, and whoever seeks forgiveness for them. Muhammad said: So, we seek forgiveness for them both so that we may be included in Abu Hurayrah’s du’a.[18]
Seventh: Charity (Sadaqah) for Them
Seventh: Among the rights of parents over children is charity for them. Among the acts of birr and their rights after death is that you should not be stingy towards them, and that you should be loyal to them through charity.
Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) narrated that a man said to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him): My mother died. Would it benefit her if I gave charity on her behalf? He said: “Yes.” The man said: I have a date-palm orchard (mikhraf), so I call you to witness that I have given it in charity on her behalf.[19]
‘A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): My mother died suddenly, and I think that if she had spoken, she would have given charity. Should I give charity on her behalf? He said: “Yes, give charity on her behalf.”[20] Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): My father died, leaving wealth, but he did not make a will. Would it atone for him if I gave charity on his behalf? He said: “Yes.”[21].
Conclusion: Duas At The End.
(Translated by Mohammed bin Thajammul Hussain Manna from Arabic)
[1] Al-Birr wal-Silah by Ibn al-Jawzi (p. 5)
[2] Al-Bukhari in his Sahih (527), (5970), and (7534), and in Al-Adab al-Mufrad (1); and Muslim (85)
[3] Narrated by Al-Bukhari, Hadith number 5979.
[4] Mukhtasar Birr al-Walidayn (p. 50).
[5] Al-Jumar: The palm heart, the soft inner core at the top of the palm tree trunk, eaten with honey.
[6] Makkarim al-Akhlaq (p. 225).
[7] [TN:] Ali reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There is no obedience to anyone if it is disobedience to Allah. Verily, obedience is only in good conduct.” Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7257, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1840. (abuaminaelias.com)
[8] Narrated by Abu Dawud, Hadith no. 5138, and authenticated by Al-Albani in Sahih Abi Dawud, no. 5138.
[9] [TN:] Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about the ruling on a man divorcing his wife if his father tells him to do that. He said:
If the father tells his son to divorce his wife, one of the following two scenarios must apply:
1 – Where the father gives a legitimate reason why he should divorce her and separate from her, such as saying, Divorce your wife because her behaviour is suspicious, such as she flirts with men or goes out to gatherings that are not decent and so on. In this case the son should agree and divorce her, because he is not telling her to divorce her on the basis of a whim, rather that is to protect his son’s honour from being besmirched, so he should divorce her.
2 – Where the father tells his son to divorce his wife because the son loves her, but the father feels jealous of his son’s love for her and the mother is more jealous, because many mothers, when they see that their son loves his wife, feel very jealous, as if the son’s wife is a co-wife and rival. We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound. In this case the son does not have to divorce his wife if his father or mother tells her to divorce her. Rather he should be tactful with them and keep his wife, and he should try to convince them with kind words until they are persuaded that she should stay with him, especially if the wife is religiously committed and has a good attitude.
Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about this very issue. A man came and said: “My father is telling me to divorce my wife.” Imam Ahmad said to him: “Do not divorce her.” He said: “Didn’t the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) tell Ibn ‘Umar to divorce his wife when ‘Umar told him to do that?” He said: “Is your father like ‘Umar?”
If the father quotes evidence to his son and says, “O my son, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar to divorce his wife when his father ‘Umar told him to do that,” the response to that is: “Are you like ‘Umar?” But you should speak kindly and gently, and say that ‘Umar saw something which indicated that it was in his son’s interests to divorce his wife. This is the answer to this question which comes up frequently. Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/671. [islamqa.info]
[10] As-Siyar, Vol. 6, p. 172, and Tarikh Dimashq – (56 / 56).
[11] Narrated by Abu Dawud (3530) and Ibn Majah (2292), with a good chain of narration (isnad hasan).
[12] [TN:] Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah preserve him) said: This hadeeth is not da’eef (weak) because it has corroborating reports. What this means is that if he (the son) has wealth, the father has the right to enjoy that wealth and to take whatever he wants from it, but this is subject to certain conditions:
The first condition: that by taking it he does not cause harm to his son. If it does cause harm – such as taking his cover with which he protects himself from the cold, or he takes his food with which he wards off hunger –it is not permissible for the father to do this.
The second condition: it should not be something that the son needs. If the son has a concubine whom he sleeps with, it is not permissible for the father to take her, because his son needs her. Similarly, if the son has a car which he needs for getting about, and he does not have enough cash to buy a replacement, then the father does not have the right to take it under any circumstances.
The third condition: he should not take the wealth from one of his sons in order to give it to another, because this creates enmity between the sons and because it means preferring one of the children over another, if the second son is not in need. If he is in need, then the father’s giving something to the one who is in need and not to the ones who are not in need, does not mean that he is preferring one child over another; on the contrary, it is obligatory for him to do this.
Whatever the case, the hadeeth is something which the scholars refer to and use as evidence. But there are conditions attached, as we have mentioned. The father does not have the right to take one son’s wealth and give it to another son. And Allaah knows best. (Fataawa Islamiyyah,4/108, 109, Islamqa.info)
[13] Musnad Ahmad (Resala ed.) (11/31). Also narrated by An-Nasa’i in Al-Mujtaba (7/143) from the route of Hammad ibn Zayd, and Ibn Majah (2782).
[14] Narrated by Muslim (2542 / 225) and Ahmad in Al-Zuhd (p. 416).
[15] Narrated by Ahmad in Al-Zuhd (pp. 414, 415), Abu Nu’aym in Al-Hilyah (1577), and Al-Dhahabi in Al-Siyar, Vol. 5, p. 69.
[16] Narrated by Ahmad (2/372, no. 8831), Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab al-Mufrad (1/28, no. 38), and Muslim (3/1255).
[17] Narrated by Ahmad (2/509, no. 10618) and At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat (5/210). Authenticated by Al-Albani in As-Sahihah, no. 1598.
[18] Al-Adab al-Mufrad (no. 37), authenticated by Al-‘Allamah Al-Albani (may Allah have mercy on him) in Sahih Al-Adab al-Mufrad (no. 28).
[19] Musnad Ahmad (Resala ed.) – (5/455). Also narrated by Al-Bukhari (2770) and Abu Dawud (2882).
[20] Musnad Ahmad (Resala ed.) – (40/295). Also narrated by Muslim (1004), [3/1254].
[21] Musnad Ahmad (Resala ed.) – (14/436). Also narrated by Muslim (1630) (11).
[Originally in Arabic from alukah.net]
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