The Clock is Ticking, But It’s Not Too Late.
So, the engagement (or the Nikah date) is set. The hall is booked, the outfits are tailored, and the sweets are ordered. You’ve spent lakhs (or maybe crores!) on the preparations. Your parents are glowing with pride. The entire community is waiting for the invitation cards and calls.
And you? You’re sitting with a heavy heart, because you’ve started seeing the red flags in your future spouse. Maybe it’s the anger. The disrespect. The unreasonable demands. The way they isolate you or dismiss your feelings. Or perhaps their social media presence and past life! Or the realization that this individual is not the ‘pious’ one that you imagined and dreamt of…
You tell yourself: “The Nikah is in two months.” “It’s been 8 months (or whatever) since we fixed it.” “What will people say?” “We’ve already spent so much money.” “I can’t do this to my parents.” “Dad and mom will be humiliated if I break the relationship at this point.” etc etc.
Stop. Right. There.
Let’s speak the hard truth today, even if it makes us uncomfortable.
1. The Money is Gone. Your Future Doesn’t Have to Be.
Yes, you spent money. Yes, it hurts to see that go down the drain. But let’s compare that loss to the cost of a lifetime of misery. Is 5 or 10 lakhs or 1 crore worth more than your mental health, your safety, and your peace? That money is a sunk cost. Don’t throw your life into the sunken ship just because you paid for the ticket.
2. The Shame is Temporary. The Abuse is Permanent.
“Log kya kahenge?” (What will people say?) They will talk for a few weeks. There will be whispers. But here is the reality: Those same people will be silent when you are suffering in your marriage. They won’t be there at 2 a.m. when you are crying. They won’t feel the bruises on your soul or body. They move on to the next gossip. You are the one who has to live the reality.
3. The “Parents’ Happiness” Trap.
This is the most dangerous one in our culture. We are raised to be “good” children who don’t cause trouble. We tell ourselves, “If I break this off, my father will have a heart attack,” or “My mother will be so humiliated, she’ll never recover.”
Let me be clear: Your parents’ love for you is not a license for them to hand you over to a ‘red flag’ (regardless of you being a guy or girl). Yes, they will be sad. Yes, they will be embarrassed. They might even be angry at first. But a parent’s ultimate duty is the safety of their child. If they are good parents, they will eventually thank you for having the courage to step back from a cliff.
If they force you into a marriage knowing it will destroy you, then you need to ask yourself why you are protecting that dynamic at the cost of your own life.
4. The Nikah is a Line in the Sand.
In Islam, the Nikah is a sacred, serious contract. It is not “just a party event” to please the society. Once you cross that line, your rights and responsibilities change.
-Before Nikah: It is difficult to break a fixed and committed engagement. It is painful indeed. It involves tough conversations and returning gifts. But legally and Islamically, you are two separate entities. You can walk away.
-After Nikah: Things get messy. You now need a Khula or a Talaq or a Fasq-e-Nikah. There are legal battles. And if Allah forbid, a child enters the picture? Now you are not just leaving a spouse; you are tying yourself to them for the next 18+ years through co-parenting.
The Reality Check
You are worried about “hurting” your parents today? Imagine their hurt when they see their child broken, depressed, or hiding bruises.
You are worried about “8 or 12 months of engagement” going to waste? Imagine the waste of 2 or 10 years of marriage trying to fix someone who showed you who they were from the start.
A Warning from the Heart
The Shaitan loves to make us fear the creation (people, society, parents) and forget the Creator. We fear people’s ridicule more than we fear entering a marriage that might be built on oppression.
If you see the red flags, listen to that instinct that Allah gave you. It is easier to cancel a wedding than to file for divorce. It is easier to face the community’s gossip now than to face a lifetime of abuse. It is easier to let your parents cry for a few months than to let them watch you die inside for years.
Save yourself. Even if it’s the night before the Nikah. Even if the food is cooked. Even if the guests have arrived.
A broken engagement is a wound that heals. A broken marriage can also heal, but usually after it destroys your soul and mental health. Choose your hard – this one or that one.
(Penned by Mohammed bin Thajammul Hussain Manna)
Saheehus-Seerah 