In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Peace and blessings be upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad, his pure family, and his noble Companions.
There is a cancer growing in our Ummah. Muslim women—our mothers, sisters, and daughters—are increasingly embracing secular feminism. As an orthodox Muslim, I (and generally all of us) hold that feminism is a poisonous Western ideology that opposes our Fitrah (innate nature), destroys the family unit, and places the creation’s desires above the Creator’s commands.
But let us pause. Let us engage in serious self-reflection.
If Islam truly grants women God-given rights—the right to choose a spouse, the right to education, the right to financial maintenance, the right to inheritance, the right to seek divorce from oppression—then why are our women walking away? Why do they see feminism as their only refuge?
The painful answer is this: We have presented them with two Islams. There is the pure, just, and balanced Islam of Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam). And then there is the twisted, patriarchal, culture-ridden “Islam of the subcontinent”—Desi Islam. And tragically, it is this second Islam that our women experience in their homes, their marriages, and their communities.
The Great Hypocrisy: Talking Rights, Denying Reality
We Desi Muslims love to deliver sermons on women’s rights in Islam. We proudly declare that Islam gave women their rights 1400 years ago. But when our own daughter sits before us, we force her into a marriage with a man she does not want. When our sister’s husband abuses her, we tell her to be patient. When our niece asks for her inheritance, we call her greedy and manipulative. This is the norm in most Desi families.
We have become masters of hypocrisy. We speak the language of the Quran, but we practice the language of our forefathers’ customs.
The Marriage Trap: Blackmail in the Name of Parental Honour and Love
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (Salallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Messenger! How can we know her permission?” He said, “Her silence (indicates her permission). (Sahih al-Bukhari 5136.)
Aisha reported: A young woman entered her home and she said, “My father married me off to his brother’s son to raise his status, but I was unwilling.” Aisha said, “Sit here until the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, comes.” The Messenger of Allah came and she told him about it, so he sent for her father, who gave her the decision. She said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have allowed what my father did, but I rejected it so I could know if women have any say in the matter.” (Sunan an-Nasā’ī 3269, Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut. Hadith translation from abuaminaelias.com)
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said, “As for marrying her off despite her unwillingness, this contradicts fundamental principles and sound reasoning. Allah did not allow her guardian to force her into buying or renting unless she consents, nor to eat, drink, or wear something she does not want. How can he force her to be intimate and interact with a man she does not want to be intimate with? Or to live with a man she does not want to live with? Allah has placed love and mercy between spouses. If a marriage cannot be contracted unless she hates him and he is repulsive to her, then where is the love and mercy in that?”
(Majmū’ al-Fatāwá 32/25, abuaminaelias.com)
Yet in our Desi culture, a girl’s consent is trampled upon using the weapon of parental blackmail. When a daughter expresses her choice—perhaps she wishes to marry a pious young man, or she refuses a proposal due to genuine incompatibility—the parents unleash emotional terrorism. “We raised you for twenty-five years, and this is how you repay us?” “We will never show our face in society if you refuse this proposal.” “Your younger siblings’ marriages will be ruined if you say no.” “If you don’t marry this person, we will cut off all ties with you.”
We use the “rights of parents” card not as the Prophet (Salallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) taught—with mercy and wisdom—but as a weapon to crush our daughters’ wills. We disregard the Hadith of choice completely. We ignore that the Prophet permitted a woman who was given in marriage without her consent to nullify the marriage entirely. We behave as if our daughters are property to be transferred, not souls entrusted to us by Allah.
At times, we throw away the principle of Kufu (compatibility) entirely. We marry our less religious daughters to extremely practicing men, thinking this will “fix” them. We marry our hijabi, Quran-memorizing daughters to modern, liberal men who drink and neglect prayers, thinking “he will provide well.” When the marriage inevitably collapses due to fundamental incompatibility, we blame the girl. We blame fate. We blame everyone except our own willful ignorance of the Prophet’s teachings and our own emotional blackmail that forced her into that situation.
The Prison of Nikah: Talaq, Khula, and the Forgotten Door of Faskh
Let us understand the Islamic framework for separation:
Talaq: The right given by Allah to the husband to pronounce divorce. It is not a toy to be played with.
Khula: The right of the woman to seek separation by offering compensation to the husband, usually returning the Mahr. Allah says: “If you fear that they will not maintain the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:229).
Faskh-e-Nikah (Al-Faskh, Annulment): This is a unilateral divorce granted by an Islamic authority. When a husband refuses to give Talaq and rejects Khula, despite the woman suffering cruelty, abuse, neglect, or harm, a qualified Mufti or Qadhi can dissolve the marriage. This is her Islamic right.
However, here lies the tragedy of the Muslims in the subcontinent, since the vast majority of them are Hanafis. Due to the absence of an Islamic state and an over-cautious approach in later juristic tradition, the Hanafi Madaris and their Ulama stopped authorizing their Muftis to perform Faskh. Effectively locking the door of escape.
So a woman trapped in an abusive marriage goes to her local Mufti. He tells her, “Khula is only possible if your husband agrees.” She goes to her husband; he laughs and refuses or completely absconds. She returns to the Mufti. He says, “Be patient, pray more, perhaps Allah will change his heart.” She suffers for years, bearing beatings, verbal abuse, and psychological torture, all in the name of “preserving the marriage.”
The great scholar Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah) recognized this crisis. He explicitly permitted, within the Hanafi madhhab, the adoption of the Maliki position to authorize select Muftis to perform Faskh for women in dire situations. Alhamdulillah, some organizations are now doing this, but the progress is agonizingly slow. Most women don’t even know this option exists.
After years of running in circles, of being failed by the very people who should represent the Shariah, she finally walks into a secular court. The judge grants her a divorce in months. And then the Muslim community blames ‘her’ for going to the secular system! Who pushed her? We did. We failed to provide the Islamic solution, so she took whatever solution was available.
The Evil of Pre-Planned Halala: Playing with Allah’s Boundaries
Among the most disgusting practices that has crept into our society is that of pre-planned Halala.
When a man pronounces three divorces upon his wife in a single sitting—whether in anger, under the influence, or even in jest—according to the Hanafi madhhab, the divorce is binding and irrevocable. The woman becomes completely forbidden to him. She cannot return to him unless she marries another man in a ‘genuine’ marriage, the marriage is consummated, and then that second marriage ends naturally through death or divorce.
But what do we see in our society? A couple fights. The husband screams “Talaq, Talaq, Talaq!” in one breath. The next day, they regret it. But instead of accepting the consequence of their sin and ignorance, they look for shortcuts.
They find an “arranger” who brings a man to perform a temporary, fake marriage. They agree beforehand: “Marry her for one night, consummate it, divorce her in the morning, and we will pay you.” This man marries her, spends the night with her, and then divorces her. She then becomes halal for her first husband.
This is pre-planned Halala. This is a mockery of the Deen of Allah.
The Prophet (Salallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) cursed the one who does Halala and the one for whom Halala is done. (Sunan Abi Dawud, Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah). In some narrations, he referred to such people as “adulterers.”
Think about this, brothers. We subject a Muslim woman—our sister—to the indignity of being passed between men like a commodity. We reduce marriage, which the Quran calls a ‘mithaqan ghaleezan’ (a solemn covenant), to a legal loophole. We destroy her honor, her self-respect, and her connection to the Deen. And then we wonder why she becomes bitter? Why she questions whether Islam truly respects her?
The fault lies in the ignorance of men who throw three divorces without knowledge. If they had learned the Fiqh of marriage before entering it, they would know that divorce is a process, not a game. They would know that even a single pronouncement of Talaq is enough as a separation, that still gives a chance for reconciliation. But we don’t learn. We don’t study. And our women pay the price.
The Abandoned Children: Deadbeat Fathers in Our Midst
Another silent crime is the abandonment of children after divorce. Islam places the financial responsibility of children squarely on the father.
Allah says: “But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:233). This obligation continues until the children reach puberty and can support themselves, and it continues for daughters until they are married.
Yet how many men in our society, after divorcing their wives, simply stop spending on their own children? The mother is left struggling, working, begging, or relying on her own family, while the father moves on to a new marriage as if his previous children never existed.
And what does our community do? Nothing. We don’t boycott such men. We don’t shame them. We don’t hold them accountable. We still invite them to our gatherings, marry our daughters to their sons, and treat them as respectable members of society. We have removed the social punishment that should accompany such open disobedience to Allah’s command.
Inheritance: Robbing Women in the Name of Love
Allah has clearly specified the shares of inheritance in Surah An-Nisa. The daughter, the sister, the mother, the wife—all have fixed, God-given rights to property. Yet in our culture, we systematically deprive women of these rights.
We use emotional blackmail: “We spent so much on your wedding.” “Your brother has a large family to support, he needs it more.” “Your uncle is poor, be generous and give it up.” “If you take your share, your brothers will be angry and won’t look after you.”
We manipulate our mothers, sisters, and daughters into surrendering what Allah has decreed for them. We steal from them with words of love. And then we wonder why they grow resentful? Why they look at secular laws that enforce inheritance and think, “At least the court gives me justice”?
The Triple Talaq Epidemic
Perhaps nothing has damaged the image of Islam among women more than the casual, ignorant use of triple Talaq. Men who have never studied a single book or chapter on marriage, are entering this sacred union with the assumption that they will learn it naturally!?
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.” (Ibn Majah). Yet we enter the most serious contract of our lives—marriage—without any knowledge of its rules, its responsibilities, or its proper dissolution.
A man gets angry. He shouts three divorces. The next day, he regrets it. But according to the Hanafi madhhab, which we follow, the divorce is complete and irrevocable. His wife is now a stranger to him. His children are now from a broken home. All because he never learned that divorce should be given one at a time, during a period of purity, with a waiting period.
And in this ignorance, the woman suffers most.
The Moment of Realization
Brothers, let us stand back and look at the picture we have painted.
A young girl grows up watching her mother’s choices ignored in marriage decisions through emotional blackmail. She sees her aunt trapped in an abusive marriage with no way out, the Mufti offering only empty platitudes. She hears of a cousin subjected to the humiliation of Halala. She watches another relative struggle alone with children while the father lives freely without consequence. She herself is pressured to give up her inheritance for the sake of “family harmony.”
Then she goes online. She reads about feminism. Feminism tells her: “You are strong. You are independent. You don’t need a man. The patriarchal system is oppressing you. Break free.”
And she thinks, “They’re right. My religion didn’t protect me. My community didn’t protect me. My own family didn’t protect me. So why should I stay?”
She doesn’t realize that she was never shown real Islam. She was shown Desi culture wearing an Islamic mask. She rejected the mask, and in doing so, she also turned away from the beautiful face of the Deen beneath it.
The Path Forward: Advice to the Ummah
1. To the Men: Fear Allah Regarding Your Women. The Prophet (ﷺ) said in his Farewell Sermon: “Fear Allah concerning women. Verily, you have taken them as a trust from Allah, and their intimacy has been made lawful to you by the word of Allah.” (Sahih Muslim). You are shepherds responsible for their welfare. Justice is not optional, it’s obligatory.
2. Learn Before You Act. Study the Fiqh of marriage before you marry. Study the rules of divorce before you utter a single word. Knowledge precedes action in Islam. If you don’t know, ask. If you’re angry, stay silent. One moment of ignorance can destroy lives.
3. Implement Faskh-e-Nikah Fully. Our Ulama and Muftis must rise to the occasion. We must establish systems where women in genuine distress can obtain Islamic divorces without waiting years. We must follow the permission granted by our own scholars to use other madhahib when necessary for genuine need. Let us open the doors of the Shariah before our sisters run to the doors of the secular courts.
4. Boycott the Oppressors. If a man abandons his children, refuses maintenance, or deprives his sister of inheritance, he should face social consequences. Do not marry into such families. Do not do business with such men. Do not honor them in gatherings. Let them feel the weight of community disapproval until they repent and fulfill their obligations.
5. Stop the Halala Evil. Pre-planned Halala is a curse upon our Ummah. We must educate our communities regarding the proper way of separation in Islam. We’ve to close the doors that lead to the preplanned Halala market.
6. Return to the Sunnah in All Things. Let us consciously examine every practice in our families. Ask: Is this from the Quran and Sunnah, or is it from Desi culture? If it is from culture and contradicts the Shariah, abandon it immediately, no matter how “normal” it seems.
Conclusion
We do not need “Islamic feminism.” We do not need to import Western ideologies to reform our communities. What we need is to return to the authentic, balanced, and just Islam of Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam). We need to strip away the layers of ignorant cultural patriarchy that has suffocated the Deen.
When we implement the Shariah in its fullness—not just the parts convenient for us—our women will see that Islam is their greatest protector, not their oppressor. They will see that the Prophet (Salallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) honored women, consulted them, and defended their rights in ways the world had never seen.
Let us fix ourselves. Let us hold ourselves accountable. Let us be the men that Allah described as Qawwamun— not tyrants, but protectors, maintainers, and caretakers. Let us be the ones who implement justice, so that our mothers, sisters, and daughters never feel the need to seek justice elsewhere.
A lot more needs to be written, but this much will suffice for now, InshaAllah.
And Allah knows best.
(Penned by Mohammed bin Thajammul Hussain Manna.)
Read: Stop the Wedding, Save Your Life: A Tough Conversation for Desi Muslims
Saheehus-Seerah 